Dir. Brad Twigg (2024)
A drug-addled racoon turns into a vicious killer.
Guys, I am fucking loving this "animals do drugs and become serial killers" genre that has popped up out of fucking nowhere as of late. The killer animal genre has always been fun, but adding a ton of street drugs into the mix? Sign me the fuck up. Even Cocaine Bear, which was much maligned by lovers of "real cinema," was an absolute blast, and the fact that it helped usher in this entire new set of films is more than enough to make it a cult classic in my book. This time around, it's a racoon that has gotten into a new designer drug that turns its users into murderers, so naturally this trash panda is bound to do the same.
A pair of tweakers buy a new synthetic drug that has the combined effect of crack cocaine and bath salts from the local gold-mouthed dealer, and one immediately murders the other. Shortly thereafter, the drug finds its way into the system of a wild racoon after a police chase that ends with a crash, and things most definitely go awry. As the creature runs amok amongst the local population, it becomes more and more vicious, threatening to become the apex predator of the region.
Crackcoon is a prototypical B-movie, intentionally (and unintentionally) hilarious and cheap as all hell. The acting is atrocious, the writing is amateurish, and the effects are outrageously cheesy. The humor is as crude as possible, which fits perfectly with a film that is as dedicated to being as irreverent as possible. A film like this is really only for those who love B-movies in general: if Crackcoon sounded like a movie you'd want to watch, it more than likely is. If it sounds dumb as hell, then you'll probably hate it.
Such is the curse of a B-movie. It's automatically going to lose a more discerning audience, and it'll never be a hit with the critics. It'll find an audience, and it's a great movie to watch with folks who are just as likely to make fun of the film as they are to enjoy it. Conversely, that's also the blessing of B-movies: they're so damn cheap to make that it doesn't take a whole lot of people buying tickets to more than make your money back. It looks cheap because it is, and there wasn't a whole lot more thought put into the film than "here's an animal that would be fun to watch kill people when it's on drugs."
The crackcoon itself is hilarious, a stuffed animal with lots of fake blood and some big razor teeth. The gore isn't even slightly real looking, but it's outstanding for what it is, and it's used in copious supply. The presence of Jessa Flux, who has made her name with B-horror films like Murdercise and Bigfoot Exorcist, helps to elevate the film beyond others like it. She provides a little T&A but is also a super fun actress, a Scream Queen in her own right for lowbrow film fans. It's also legitimately funny at times, even for those who don't like crass humor.
All that said, it's a really, really stupid movie. Again, not surprising for a film called Crackcoon, but it will limit the number of people who are even willing to check out the film. As a guy who grew up on a healthy diet of Troma and underground horror, however, this one was right up my alley. The raccoon attacks are frequent and bloody, there's the typical B-movie amount of nudity and sex, and there's more than enough gross-out humor for the more juvenile in the audience. Plus, and I cannot stress this enough, there is a raccoon that's addicted to a drug that makes him a violent killer. Literally what more could you ask for?
Who this movie is for: Killer animal film fans, B-movie devotees, Forest rangers
Bottom line: Crackcoon is exactly what you think it is, and whether or not that's a good thing is entirely up to you. It's dumb, bloody, and hilarious, and it never tries to be anything other than what it was definitely going to be. The actors are terrible, the script is downright bad, and the effects are laughable at best. It's also a damn fine party movie, a film that would be a blast to tear into with your friends. If you're a fan of the type of B-movies from the 80's that most of us grew up with, you'll likely really enjoy this one.
